Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
