Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Green mimosas i think yes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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