somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
