i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
