The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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