$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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