his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
