He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
