The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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