And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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