you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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