The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
