Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
