I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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