Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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