I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
