He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
