my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
