It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
These tits shall not be calmed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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