two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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