she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
