Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
