i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
