I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
