Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
