the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
