my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i need some magic done to my vagina
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
