he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
