You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
