Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
