my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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