I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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