Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
