i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
