A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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