I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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