we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
