You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
