You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
