fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
