hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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