I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
