Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
