I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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