yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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