And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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