Umm I'm too high to move.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
