I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
