Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
