I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm really busy with my period
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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