She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
