you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
