I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
