she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want to be your penis for a week.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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