Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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