census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
