i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
