what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
