So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
