Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
