She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
