Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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