if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
