My first STD was from a foam party
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ketchup is God's man juice
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
