I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
