My sheets look like a crime scene.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
